6.24.2007

"Compulsive."

My therapist told me I was compulsive the other day.  I half nodded in half agreement though I was only half certain I agreed at the time.  It made me feel wrong.

Compulsive.  It sounds like a medical procedure.

I tend to think I'm a little obsessive and I bet she thinks this too though she hasn't said it.  Though don't you necessarily have to be a little obsessive to be compulsive but not the other way around?

Back to the... COMPULSIVE.  We were discussing class and what I do to study.  I take notes. I rewrite them at home.  I go over the study guide he gives us and write answers to that, then rewrite that because I can't think and write at the same time.  I have two notebooks for this class. One is the messy one, the other one is legible.  I do the homework. I read the chapter a couple of times and I highlight it and go through and skim all the highlighted parts. I watch this cd-rom that comes with the book because there are a couple of things in it that are maybe helpful. The book [i]says[/i] you should study three hours for every hour you are in class.

So she said that I am a little compulsive about things.  I still only half agree.  Because there are many many things that I am not compulsive about.  Not regularly anyway.  I also feel like I have to study like that because just looking over things doesn't help.

There are so many times when I could be compulsive and I'm just not. Like about the bathroom.  I haven't gone nuts and scrubbed the bathroom like crazy for a while. Probably because there is no one else driving me nuts about it. [But damn did it need it.]

My mother wants me to call my doctor about the meds not working well enough.  She thinks that how I am acting/reacting isn't worth how little benefit I am getting from them. Plus he'll be away for a month.
I don't know who's covering for him. I don't want to call.

Speaking of doctors.
My doctor [same one] had to fill out a form for insurance and one of the questions was "In your professional opinion, will this person ever be capable of self-support?"

He answered no.

...well we should throw a fucking ticker tape parade, huh?

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