I want to not take my meds and I want to go out drinking all the time or fuck it stay home and get trashed and not worry that I'm an alcoholic because I'm drinking more than a couple times a year. And I want to smoke some pot and I want my bowl back so I can color it and then eventually scrape it and do it all over again. I want this horrible anxiety to go away and I want to not think of all of these bad things, like dying or hurting people or saying the wrong things, all of the time. I want to run off and spend all of my money and chop off all of my hair and not worry about it. I want to go to Bonnaroo and be a hippie freak. I want to not give a fuck.
Then maybe all of this badness will go away.