I have these thoughts.
Thoughts of dying.
I don't know how seriously to take them because I always seem to be having "thoughts". Of dying. Of living. Of driving into a tree. Of my mother falling down the stairs and breaking her neck. Of being followed to my car, brutalized, raped.
I realize these aren't normal. Natural, healthy, sane.
But there are times when I can have these thoughts, constantly, and pretend to be normal- to some degree at least.
I don't know how to judge what point it is that I should take them seriously.
When they are a whisper: a ghost floating across my vision...
A stepping of boots on the floor above clomp clomp clomp
A rap-tap-tap at my fucking chamber door?
I don't know.