8.06.2010

Tunnel vision can be lonely.

I keep writing about this, but nothing is making it better.

I guess it must be self-preservation.  Which is kind of sort of working.

But it's been going on so long, that it's what I'm becoming.
That's all I am- this animal that works on instinct, the most obvious of which seems to be the self-preservation response.
I have little dedication to other people; but it's not that I make no effort.

It's simply that nothing comes of the efforts.
No nice things. Little acknowledgement of anything really.
The effort seems to stop at action, it's all internal. If you happen to be able to track me down and drag me to something social, it may be behavioral, but not extensively.

It took a couple people a month to track me down because I simply wouldn't respond to them.
They live the next town over.

I'm a crappy friend.
I'm keenly aware of this and I feel bad and awkward.

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