2.04.2011

I was going to have carrots...


and peanut butter. I forgot to bring the peanut butter to my internship. So that was a let down.

Lately, I feel stupid.

I mean like, as though I know nothing.

I will take a course and do well in it, and have the grade to show for it but nothing else. There's no knowledge being retained. And as for real life knowledge, I'm not very bright. I can't detect anything and I feel as though do poorly in discussions because it takes me a long time to analyze things. I don't hold up well in nose-to-nose debate or even discussion.

I'm slow.

I really am. It's painfully obvious to me all the time. I just feel so inadequate.
I have problems spelling things that I really should fucking be able to spell and it's very embarrassing.

Perhaps it seems I'm "just down" on myself lately, but I'm truly bothered.
I feel genuinely stupid and slow and unaware of the most mundane things.
I'll have discussions with people and they'll say things that never even occurred to me. But all the time this happens. Not the usual "mingling with other people inspires you" thing.

I never say anything novel and I can't get my brain to do that right now.

I feel so bland.

I don't know what my problem is.

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