5.01.2011

Several days later. Still a bit pissed.



Ok, here goes...

I was in a pretty brutal car accident several years ago. In the ER, I had to blow for a breathalizer, and was so hysterical and just completely out of it-head injuries will do that to a person- I yelled at a cop for even making me blow because I couldn't imagine anyone drinking and driving.

I went to see my neurologist afterward because I had some weird stuff going on.

Come to find out, all these years later, in my records, my neurologist put at various parts things like “I recommended that if she continue to use alcohol that she not drive anymore” and “The police officers suspected intoxication”.

The first one... I don't actually recall ever having a conversation about my habits of alcohol usage. So he doesn't actually know. I do recall a couple specific conversations where I told him that alcoholism runs in my family.

He was generally big asshole to me anyway, getting irritated if I told him that I was still having headaches and odd things happen. Often assuming if I was upset it was because I'm bipolar- not because, perhaps, my brain is acting odd, it's getting to a point where it is interfering with my life, and everyone including my neurologist just likes to point out that I'm crazy all the time.

...and that second one? Yeah that's beautiful.
It regarded another driving incident in which I had “maybe a seizure maybe not” [ok it had like every symptom of a seizure. If you want to call it a complex migraine, you go right ahead]. I was driving at the time, and I was pulled over because someone reported that I was driving erratically. They took me to the ER and called my neurologist. DID NOT BREATHALIZE ME. Why? Because they didn't suspect I was drunk, they were concerned. Who calls a neurologist if you think someone's drunk?

So, that was an out right lie.

And there are various things sprinkled in here and there. Including suggestions that I would show up to appointments intoxicated. I- really?

I don't understand this. I'm kind of shocked. And I don't want to have an argument about this with anyone- how he is just doing his job, interpreting what he sees, is obligated to write down a clinical opinion... the bottom line is that I am now portrayed as an irresponsible drunk. Which simply isn't true. And instead of investigating suspicions, which would be reasonable and prudent, this asshole simply seemed to write down whatever random idea came into his head.

I'm fucking pissed because I just don't drink and drive. It's a fucking THING.
Also, like, I wanted to give these records to my new neurologist, and luckily she hasn't really asked for them but I'm sure at some point they would be useful. But. Fuck. Fuck him. In the ear.



Anyway. New Neurologist?

That went well.
She wasn't all scary.
She was like "We can do the long term monitoring again, since that was several years ago" I was like "Seriously? Is that really necessary?"

And then she kinda veered away from that and we settled on raising my topamax and seeing if that's going to help.

So hopefully that wil help and I won't have to add another med and things will be hunky and dory.

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