3.07.2012

I want to be a jerk.

There's this inner tension I'm feeling. Pretty much constantly. Like I'm afraid I'm going to turn to someone and just be like "Ok, could you shut the fuck up? Hmm? Just, please? Do us all a fucking favor."

I feel a little short tempered.

I feel a little paranoid like everyone is talking about me, and no one likes me and I'm irritating and pissing everyone off.

I'm sleeping around 5 hours a night. Sometimes I wake up at like 430. For NO. REASON.
This morning I was up at 630. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, folded my clothes, cleaned my room, took a shower and worked on a painting all before eleven. Oh and had breakfast.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is not the Josie we've all come to know and love.

I mean, it's good to get that done, but what follows it up, quite shortly, is a little irritability, a lot more paranoia, more impulsivity, lack of attention to important things.

I called my doctor but she's out of the office for the week and I talked to someone standing in for her. He was really nice and seemed really competent and listened to my concerns.
He came up with a low dose of risperdal/risperidone temporarily at bedtime to try to get me some sleep and even me out.
...which is what I've done in the past. Ta Da! Someone who knows what they are doing!

it's amazing!

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