Forcing it.

I'm trying so hard to turn shit around, but my brain keeps resisting.

I had to remind myself today that motivation isn't always there and sometimes you have to power through it.
I had been laying in bed a lot of the day, or on the couch, or kind of looking at this paper that was due Wednesday but is now due Monday. I wasn't adding much to it; I felt tired and overwhelmed. Whenever I would try to wake up and get started again I would feel tired and overwhelmed.

Motivation is a slippery beast.
It doesn't always come when you want it to and it doesn't often stay for long.

There's a notion of action BEFORE motivation. We rely too much on motivation to push us through. But sometimes it's not there, hasn't been there for a while, and won't be there for a while to come. That's when you need to do just one thing.

One. Thing.

And go on from there.

My one thing was throwing myself out of bed ["1,2,3 UP!"] as I so often need to and going to make coffee. I would deal with the rest of the day from there. But I made coffee and plopped myself in front of the computer. Might as well start the paper again.

Things are messed up.

But I did make progress on my paper, took a shower, scheduled two appointments, ordered a book I need for class, and baked some chicken.

That doesn't sound like a lot.
Also, the chicken wasn't very good. But that's not the point.

I just need to keep breathing.
[Oh the irony]

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