5.01.2012

Mix it up.

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and she said I seem to be in a mixed state. Which I guess makes sense. It just didn't occur to me. I had just been labeling it "feel like crap". But the agitation and extreme anxiety and the sleep problems and the random things that seem funny and the depressed feelings and the sadness and hopelessness and... I don't know.
The everything.
There's more.

I kind of flipped out while talking to someone last night.

I'll write about what that was about more clearly when I feel a little more up to it. But basically, it was about how everything is work, and difficult. People don't understand this. It doesn't come naturally to get out of bed and take a shower and eat breakfast and things like that. It takes energy out of the daily pot, which at this point is maybe half full to begin with.

It takes self-coaching and skills to get all these things down.

"Nothing is routine when you are crazy" is I think the little gold nugget that came out of my ranting and raving.

People always talk about establishing a routine.
When it feels like it is hard to do everything it's not routine, it's a struggle.

I'll make more sense when I feel a little better.

I will feel better.
I just don't have a timeline for that.

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