5.21.2012

Reality show.

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping.

What happened is that a while ago, I wasn't all that great with keeping up with my meds and wasn't feeling well and was generally having trouble keeping up with just life. I saw my doctor and we came up with some ways to remember to take my meds more regularly. Since I've been doing that, I started having trouble with sleep.

Specifically what started happening, that hadn't happened before, is that I couldn't fall asleep usually until 12, 1230, 100 [stometimes later]. The absolute latest I would be able to sleep until was about 630 in the morning. This usually averaged to about 5 hours of sleep. This went on for about two and a half weeks, maybe a little longer.
I am someone who can handle that for a couple days, but as a general rule I need about 8.5-9 hours I think.

So I ended up exhausted, but I had a sneaking suspicion it was the fluvoxamine at the root of these issues. I switched it to the morning instead of the night. It seemed, for a couple days, like my sleep might be morphing into something acceptable.

Then, a couple nights ago I didn't sleep. I don't mean I had trouble sleeping and only got a little bit here and there. I mean I literally didn't sleep. I stayed up about thirty hours, slept about an hour, then slept again that night [at a "normal" time].  That ended up being a very choppy and fitful sleep which left me feeling drunk every time I tried to get up until 2pm. 

This brings us to last night.

I couldn't get to sleep until I think 130ish. And then-surprise, surprise- it's 615 and I'm up again. 

Sigh.

I used to have sleep problems like this sans medication a lot when I was younger. But I have also had long periods where my sleep was fairly predictable.

The real problem, as I see it, is that I'm starting to get paranoid. They tell me [doctors and such] that it's a small part true paranoia, a big part OCD because of the way my thought process goes. 
Regardless of the origin or mechanism, I've also had true paranoia before and the result is much the same: you get anxious and don't trust your thoughts entirely and it's uncomfortable and sucky.

I found myself searching my shower walls and ceiling for ten minutes yesterday, looking for even the tiniest hole that someone might put maybe a microscopic camera through to film me. 
It makes no sense. 
Even at the time, it Made. No. Sense.
I knew it was stupid, made no sense, that there was no logic to it, even as I felt the compulsion to look.

And the whole "Someone is filming me in the shower" bit? 
That's certainly a new one on me.

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