I'm not sure what it is I want to say, but wherever I say it, there I am...
I've been having these periods of time late at night. For the most part it is when I am in bed and going to sleep and shutting everything down. I may or may not have music on. I have my blankets bundled around me. Taking deep breaths and sort of sinking into the mattress.
Well, trying to.
I get these thoughts. It starts often as an idea, or something I need to tell someone, something I want to do. Then suddenly we are off and running. I have about a thousand ideas about Life the Universe and Everything. The reason I don't get out of bed and write it all down is because I'm afraid it will keep me up for four hours.
I don't stop for a while. It just flows on and on and on.
It feels racy.
Creative, new, exciting.
...Manicky- - -but not.
I'm not having these thoughts so much during the day for the most part.
It's really odd.
I'm so bored. Bored with myself. I'm boring. I can't do anything right now. I'm trying so hard to do things. Even when I work through doing it, it's just meh. Everything is meh.
I want to sleep. I can't sleep. I don't sleep.
I lie awake anxious at night, trying to escape the mundane day-to-day that all just adds up to "meh".