6.26.2013

Setting the bar.

There is something a bit peculiar that seems to happen after a person finds out I have bipolar (and OCD to some extent as well).

Expectations change.
Maybe perceptions.
Both, perhaps.

One would think, in theory, that a person tries to "use" their diagnosis as some type of excuse; the popular opinion seems to be that the mentally ill attempt to obtain carte blanche based on their level of crazy (and also that they often do).  This may happen at times with those "normal" but unexposed individuals who can tolerate such personal irresponsibility.

Generally, though, the actual reality is that the crazies are held to a much higher standard of behavior.

Let me explain:
When a person learns (for example) that I have been diagnosed with a mood disorder, for a very long time they see everything I do and say, every way I react, through that lens.



So in their mind practically nothing is actually legitimate. Everything is a result of dysfunction or psychological disorder, and I get no "mistakes" to make.

That is- if I am angry, it is likely irrational- to a pathological degree. If there is a miscommunication or I get upset over something which is deemed unnecessary, it must be the mood disorder. Not possibly because I'm a person, and sometimes all people- even so-called normal people- do silly irrational poorly thought out things because that's how people are.

If I don't feel well and I'm particularly tired, a bit irritable with clouded judgement because of it (as is often the case with migraines)- that's not legitimate. If I wasn't actually certifiable, it would be obvious the physical issues would be to blame. But since I am bipolar, I must be going insane, not actually having an understandable reaction to physical stressors.

Expectations are always way higher.
If you are out of line in any way, it is supposedly indicative of an unstable mental condition. Not indicative of normal human behavior.

I find this so often now, even in the half-decent people I meet. I'm starting to wonder if I should just stick to the officially crazy at this point. Because even the people who I think get it eventually seem to revert back to "stop being crazy" when I least expect it, and often don't really even realize they are doing it.

At that point I have two options: I can fight that and probably end up actually seeming more crazy: "You want crazy? I'll show you crazy!"
...ha.

Or, I can just walk away.

But I usually end up somewhere in the middle, trying to straddle both choices.
I then get frustrated with half my point laid out, look a little like an idiot, and walk away anyway.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Recommended Post Slide Out For Blogger