I'm really fed up with everyone talking about how everything sucks and life is just one endless bag of misery and nothing ever gets better, turning to me with their big sad weepy eyes, looking for pity. Not for advice, or for anything to cheer them up, or for a different perspective. Just. Pity.
Sorry. Fresh out.
Yes. LIFE SUCKS.
It's a big long tunnel, walls made of shit and shame. The only way to the end is to shuffle through the sewage of the everyday. Some people get rafts. Some people get goddamn party boats and we hate those people and we want to curse at them because HOW DARE THEY get a goddamn party boat.
"How dare they get the Barbie Malibu Party Cruise Ship when I am sludging along the shore, clinging to the dung wall of humanity, wearing fucking neon green Duck Dynasty castoff gaitors?"
HOW DARE THEY???
Then you spot the one asshole floating on his back lazy river style, completely oblivious to the smell as well as the fact that both Ken and Barbie have margaritas in their hands. He also fails to notice the pitiful excuse for a raft slowly floating past him- the sad soul perched upon it looking as poorly put together as the mess of boards beneath his feet.
To add to your building resentment of anyone not currently wearing gaitors, his eyes do not even twitch in the general direction of you and your 80's waterproof jam pants.
Forget Barbie and her top heavy dream crew.
FUCK. THIS GUY.