"The Awful Truth"

...That is the title of the episode of Sex in the City that I was half assedly just watching. It isn't that I want to be all... glamorous? Is that what those people are? I'm not even sure. Or go out all the time in the latest fashions and be dating and sleeping around.

I don't expect that I should have clever things to say all of time while sipping a pretty cosmo, right leg crossed over left, pointy shoe swinging curtly to match the beat of my every. single. syllable.

I just want to go out with my friends. Very very badly. I used to go out every once in a while.

Yes I want to go out and drink and does does that make me a bad person or a hypocrite?
Oh shit, I'm crazy and questing toward mental health- does mental health include a drink every now and then or not?

I can't even figure it out.

I don't think I'll ever be able to.