Why should I be sorry?

This deviates enough from the typical crazy discussion that it may just serve to keep you on your toes.

I want to reveal something to everyone.
Something that no one ever acknowledges- my family, my best friends, people I date, the crazies I talk to on a regular basis [who may or may not fall into any one of those categories].

Are you sitting down?


I'll wait as everyone expresses that just the opposite is true; that I am "big boned"; that I am my "own type of beauty" [really? is there any better way to acknowledge what I'm saying and simultaneously deny it?]; or, my favorite, simply: You are not fat.

I find all the variations amusing but the simple, outright denial of the situation seems to be the most hilarious.

You know what these things do [for me, anyway]... they perpetuate that being "fat" is a terrible thing. That there are all kinds of reasons a person would never want to be "fat".

Fat is not immoral.
Fat is not lazy.
Fat is not ugly.

There are, admittedly, people who can be either immoral, lazy, ugly [or some combination] as well as "fat". But there is often an assumption that these things are intrinsically linked.

It's just not so.

I'm fat right now for many reasons.
One of the reasons is, in fact, that I do not go tothe gym as often as I "should".

Before you jump all over that, please ponder the following:
There are plenty of people who do not go to a gym regularly, even ever.
My BMI is 39.6. I routinely walk 10-15 miles each week, run up the stairs, and when I do go to the gym I often do about an hour of cardio in a target HR [~140-~165] without overexerting myself. I feel good after, not like I need to go to the hospital because I'm so grossly out of shape I might collapse.

This argument that I see often on dating sites [OKC I'm looking at you] that men like thin girls "because you need to be healthy" is completely unseated in any part of reality.

My general labs are always good, my BP is actually on the lower end of healthy- it tops out at 110/70.

As far as I can tell there is really one possible health issue here: I may be beaten to death on the street because my ass does a little wiggle when I walk, and apparently fat is like the greatest offense one can commit.

Fat even at times seems to outrank both actively stupid and genuinely homicidal in the most offending characteristic an individual can possess.
This is simply fascinating to me.

I was involved with a guy once [yes, physically- and that is actually important to my point]. He professed to only be interested in "petite" girls, and by no stretch of the imagination have I ever EVER met that description. Not even when my BMI was about 23 and people were starting to comment I was "a bit too thin".

I am simply a big person.

But even so, this guy [who is actually pretty intelligent and reasonable on most subjects], was interested and actually *gasp* attracted to me.

At one point he said, for serious:
"Your weight doesn't bother me. It's like... you don't let it hold you back"

I laughed, because as well as the words being kind of amusing, he also seemed to be experiencing right then and there this epiphany regarding his personal comfort zone, and his perspective on what he deems attractive.

But I mean, what I didn't say to him was this:
Really there are all kinds of reasons life can intimidate me [and has].  Having little to no talent for emulating a pixie would generally fall far down to the bottom of that list, if it makes it at all.

And despite this, I feel the need to "warn" men on OKC [again with the OKC, right? we'll get there], that I'm not this teeny little dainty flower... as if I should apologize because the common expectation seems to be that you can hold a woman in your pocket.

I don't know why I've done this.
I'm not going to anymore.

I fit in my clothing, I'm healthy, generally happy.
I don't fill my body with crap.
It would be nice to lose some weight and actually I am slowly doing that.

That seems to be more of an issue of wearing clothing I want, than anything else.
Other people telling me that I am "fat" or that I am unhealthy have little to no effect on how I actually treat my body, how I regard it, how much I like myself as a person and the body that accompanies that person.

It's annoying and stupid. You are like a fruit fly with that shit. Really.

"Fat" is not a fucking badge of dishonor.
Let us all move away from that concept now.

Things no one will tell fat girls.
Fat sex- What everyone wants to know but is afraid to ask.

And one last minute, completely apropos addition:
Thomas Burdett [sings Queen cover.]


  1. Throwing it out there... BMI= bullshit way to tell if you're fat or not. Get your body fat percentage done, it's much more accurate.

  2. Yes. I am actually very aware of this.
    The fact is though, I'm hardly about to explore my body fat percentage. Particularly given that most methods would cost money that I could spend on something I actually care about. One of the reasons the BMI is generally a pretty unreliable measure is that it doesn't take into account body frame size. My frame is large [if you desire you can explore this by measuring your wrist circumference].

    If I take this into account when mentioning or referencing the BMI, it tends to give a general idea. It isn't as though I'm so huge I can barely move and the BMI is indicating one could see my ribs, or the reverse situation.

    It is a basic idea of your body in those terms. Given that I mentioned my frame [though, granted, indirectly] at least a couple times, and also gave reference as to what I actually looked like at the lower BMI, I figured this would be sufficient information.

    Also, if you have the impression I care about my body fat percentage, you likely got none of the ideas that I was trying to express.
    Just throwing it out there.

  3. Loved this :) Even high body fat percentage isn't exactly indicative of what a person does in their everyday life. I am a HAES advocate, academic, researcher, and fat woman. I, like you, have healthy habits and sometimes I skip my crossfit time or eat some cake. I saw your comment on a metapicture meme and just wanted to virtually high five you. You had the only sane comment. The rest of the comments were ridiculous comments on nutritional and medical knowledge from a bunch of 15 year old boys without medical degrees (none of them were Dougie Houser, M.D. unfortunately). SO, right on sister. I am revamping my fat research blog but once it is spiffy do you mind if I suggest this post to my readers? Thanks :) -Ashley

    1. Actually that would be lovely Ashley. Thanks for asking!

  4. I found your blog very interesting and I don't really care whether someone is fat or thin. Personality is much more interesting and you certainly have lots of that Josie. :)


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