12.19.2008

Nevermore.

I have these thoughts.
Thoughts of dying.

I don't know how seriously to take them because I always seem to be having "thoughts". Of dying. Of living. Of driving into a tree. Of my mother falling down the stairs and breaking her neck. Of being followed to my car, brutalized, raped.

Just... thoughts.

I realize these aren't normal. Natural, healthy, sane.

But there are times when I can have these thoughts, constantly, and pretend to be normal- to some degree at least.

I don't know how to judge what point it is that I should take them seriously.

When they are a whisper: a ghost floating across my vision...
A stepping of boots on the floor above clomp clomp clomp
A rap-tap-tap at my fucking chamber door?

I don't know.