Welp. Thank you for that.

I was watching this thing on Scientific American Frontiers online.
And this may be a little disturbing...

They were talking about choices.
The television series M*A*S*H* ws mentioned- specifically one of the episodes in which a bus full of people was hiding from the enemy and everyone had to be quiet but a baby was making noise.

The mother ended up smothering it.

And they showed it.
And the whole thing was so sudden, the way they said it, and then showed it afterward [which they didn't really introduce... if you are curious, you can read about the incident in the first couple paragraphs here. Not so jarring]

I was like "wow. Thank you for that, fuckers. I was cheerily enjoying my brain/cognition show, but thank you very much for that."

So now it's like two in the morning and I can't sleep.

Sometimes things get disturbing, when you talk about humans.
Ok, a lot of the time things get disturbing. 


Weekend Update.


I've been here, at the new school, for four days.
I really don't feel like writing any more right now but I guess I will anyway.


I'm feeling a little like everyone's talking about me lately. And it's past "oh no what if they're talking/laughing/joking about me" into "They ARE talking/laughing/joking about me". So actually into the paranoia realm. I mean, a few people in the hall = a meeting about how to tell me I've done something bad or I'm pissing everyone off or I just don't belong here.

I don't know just what to do about it. I mean, I have experienced this before. I know it will go away. I can use that fancy "insight" that people always are telling me I'm so good with. But it's making me feel a little crazy. And a bit like I don't want to do things or go places.

I try to talk and think the things away. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I'm not letting it run my life, but I still feel like I want to hide. It's not a good feeling to be carrying around.

But still,  I'm managing to meet some new people, despite that little, uh, "bump".

I met a couple neat girls on this "walkabout" thing. The school took us around the city for a day and on the public transportation so we'd get used to it and know a few places to go.

The girls I met are pretty nice and seem intelligent. The three of us had a really interesting discussion on medication and it's overuse and a balance of the doctor-patient relationship. One of the girls has a brother who is bipolar who chooses not to take medication. She's open to learning about why meds are a good idea, but she just said they've found for her brother specifically, medication wasn't the answer.

The other girl was really cool to talk to. I remember someone I know had said at one point that DBT should be a requirement in highschool.
I mentioned this and she understood what I was saying and agreed. Heh.

Everyone here thinks I'm in my early twenties, which is fun.

Especially with this guy on my floor who's actually like 30 and who I'm pretty sure has written me off as young and annoying.

Though today? He seems to be rather more nice than he has been? Not that he's been mean, just he's being more friendly.

We both have different ways of meeting people.
I just say hi when I happen to sit next to people or the opportunity presents itself and a conversation just happens.

I've noticed he will run around introducing himself to as many people as possible. Like, all the fucking time. But he rarely is hanging out with the same people.

I have a few people that I am trying to foster relationships with, But I am pretty sure there are like four people right now that I could call up and go to a meal with and it would be no problem.

He seems to often be kind of... floating around.
I don't know.
Hard to explain. Like he doesn't seem to be fostering anything. He's collecting.

I know I am totally analyzing this.
It's just that he's on my floor and I moved in early and have seen how he's been meeting people because it's like in my face [he's across the hall] and it's a small school.

And I like learning about people.

I had Principles of Art Therapy today.

I made some kind of blue lion with fire and a light bulb. ...out of tissue paper and puff balls.

It's a blue lion, because I want to bring into class the courage to try new things, and I'm a leo and blue is my favorite colour. And a light bulb because I want to take away from class new knowledge. And there is a wall of fire, because I am a firesign and I always bring with me a kind of barrier that I put between myself and others.
[all these things were based off of suggestions or requirements of the little activity]

Anywho. I'm in college and I make blue lions. YAY.