Forcing it.

I'm trying so hard to turn shit around, but my brain keeps resisting.

I had to remind myself today that motivation isn't always there and sometimes you have to power through it.
I had been laying in bed a lot of the day, or on the couch, or kind of looking at this paper that was due Wednesday but is now due Monday. I wasn't adding much to it; I felt tired and overwhelmed. Whenever I would try to wake up and get started again I would feel tired and overwhelmed.

Motivation is a slippery beast.
It doesn't always come when you want it to and it doesn't often stay for long.

There's a notion of action BEFORE motivation. We rely too much on motivation to push us through. But sometimes it's not there, hasn't been there for a while, and won't be there for a while to come. That's when you need to do just one thing.

One. Thing.

And go on from there.

My one thing was throwing myself out of bed ["1,2,3 UP!"] as I so often need to and going to make coffee. I would deal with the rest of the day from there. But I made coffee and plopped myself in front of the computer. Might as well start the paper again.

Things are messed up.

But I did make progress on my paper, took a shower, scheduled two appointments, ordered a book I need for class, and baked some chicken.

That doesn't sound like a lot.
Also, the chicken wasn't very good. But that's not the point.

I just need to keep breathing.
[Oh the irony]


Sucking it up.

I have been having more and more trouble getting to the pharmacy lately which makes me miss meds which messes me up even more than I am already messed up.

I decided to take some steps to fix this, suck it up, and call my best friend for help [*gasp*]. She agreed that her and her husband would take me to the pharmacy a few times a month if I need it, since they live less than ten minutes away. This will make it much easier to keep my prescriptions in line and on time.

I'm not doing great, but I'm trying.