1.29.2013

Let's try this again...

I didn't get my blood work done today either. But that's ok.
I had fruit and juice and water today instead of a bunch of crap, and had potatoes for dinner.

I'm still irritated that my cherries ended up tasting pretty bad.

I called the new store at which I want to apply. They said their hiring manager was busy but I could leave a message and she'd call me back.

I left a message, meaning to call by 245 if she hadn't called me back. I noticed at about 310 that I hadn't received a phone call [which is really fucking annoying], and called back. She had already left.

I explained to them that I am unable to apply online because of how recently I had applied for the previous position and they said that I could come get a paper application.

I drove down there. They had no applications printed up, so I waited for about twenty minutes, at which time someone came out and told me that the computer wasn't working so they couldn't print up an application. "You can apply online".

I explained that no, I can't, and I would be back tomorrow.

Why is it such a big hairy deal?

Anyway, plans for tomorrow- go to new store with resume, get bloodwork done, hopefully send out my computer.

1.28.2013

who cares?



No really, who gives a flying fuck?

I was supposed to get bloodwork this morning. I fasted and set my alarm and everything.

Then I couldn't get out of bed.

I tried about every thirty minutes or so for three hours and then just fucking gave up- slept for a couple more hours, then had a banana and cried.

Because the banana sucked and I suck and everything sucks.

There's a chance another store, of the same company I just worked for, may hire me on.

Woo-fucking-hoo.

At least it's something I usually feel successful at.

I went to my old store today to pick u my check, only to find out that despite what they had told me [that I should come pick it up and they would not be mailing it out] that they had mailed it out.
To my legal address.
In NH.

I *live* in MA.

The HR manager kind of looked at me like "Not my problem bi-otch".

I STILL can't get my fluvoxamine.
This is two weeks now. Maybe longer.
It doesn't matter.
It SO doesn't matter. Because I'm not going to be allowed to be on the high doses that are really necessary for me to be anywhere approaching normal, not with this pdoc.

...


I'm also sad for absolutely no reason at all.

A large party of me is sad JUST BECAUSE.

That is so frustrating.

I don't know. It's difficult because I'm kind of functional. Sort of, when i can make it out of bed.



I mean I might want to die but if you tell a good joke it won't be lost on me.



I think that confuses people.

it confuses me.

Am I SUPPOSED to just be miserable straight for days on end?



Even when i was suicidal I still maintained a fair sense of humour.