And it's time for another "choose your own punctuation!"
I'm truly losing any ability to communicate because it takes so much energy. It's a slow process, but it is happening. Words have never been completely adequate but they've been enough. It takes a lot of energy to translate though, and no one even realizes that. It's not exact translation.
I'm just not really able to even do it anymore. Most of the things I want to talk about or feel like I really need to express- that I'm feeling, that are tearing me down every minute... I can't get them through. So I just don't. It's all this crap. Writing about what I can't really write about.
So people see me as surly and lazy and angry.
I'm really just tired and sad and I feel defeated.
Then I edit again. and again.
I've been trying to get back to my art but with some of my pain issues it's been difficult. Hoping maybe posting some stuff and going through it- putting it up and just knowing other people could potentially look at it [even though no one leaves comments- WHICH IS TOTALLY OK! NO PRESSURE! haha]... it may help me just work through some of those pain issues. But yeah this is kind of a "throwaway post" in that sense. I am working on something though.